Monday, 16 February 2009


They came this morning. Bruised.

They are husband and wife. HIV positive. Seen so much (including being put outside the house for some time when they had TB) and yet it seemed that the family was always with them.

Last night the ties seem to have snapped.

Their young girl ran away with a young man. The eloping which is fueled by a thousand films from Bollywood about true love winning out (and which has thousands of unhappy couples grinding through an unglamorous life cut off from family years afterwards).

Its not clear all the issues involved, but a major fight took place. This couple were considered to blame. They were beaten up. And told to leave.

This morning they came to the centre with only the clothes they were wearing.

After all the family has gone through - after all the hope and prayers that took place - to have it all seem to evaporate in one horribly contested issue...


We are praying for restoration. But there is something in the choosing of a life-partner which seems to bring out the very worst in people. The very worst.


  1. Regarding the last two sentences, that is certainly the truth. It pains me to say I experienced that with one of my best friends through the first 22 years of my life. He got involved in a very unhealthy relationship on every level and for whatever reason thought marriage to be the answer. Cautions were given and duly ignored. I still resignedly stood next to him at the alter holding vain hopes it would somehow work out. Never again like that, with those concerns and foreshadows of failure. Six months after the wedding everything erupted and they separated; divorced a year late.

    What was amazing to me to see is the behavior that I saw from my friend with this woman. I lived with him for 2 years and he was so laid back and phlegmatic, almost impossible to get a angry rise out of. He became physically abusive. He changed so quickly back to his old self, if even a shell of his old self beat down with self-doubt, after the relationship ended. I know they both share in the blame, but it was really amazing to me to see how this one person truly brought out the worst in my friends.

  2. It also makes me extremely grateful for the amazing wife I have. A true Proverbs 31 woman, in so many ways. I truly know that it's God's grace to me that I have the wife I do and didn't end up down my friend's road of pain and hardship. God's grace, not any superior moral character on my part. Except for the grace of God, there go I...

  3. The mystery of marriage is that it is a union. The closest we have this side of eternity to the union that exists between the three persons of the God-head. The question of who are real self is, is a profound one. Marriage has to be honoured. This means honouring it before hand by keeping our sexuality in check,it means honouring it through careful and prayerful preparation, through patient seeking of the Lord's will in the courtship process - and through the daily dying to self that every true marriage demands. How totally opposite to the values of this world which says I am king.

    As we live out our own marriages - we are also in the unique place of helping others work through theirs - where the true ugly self often shows up - and needs to be changed - not run away from. No simple solutions. No easy way outs - but hard work, honesty and forgiveness, time on our knees before loving Father God.