a car decorated for the big day - photo by Philip BOne my church members holds a senior sales post in a company well known for the high quality fabrics they sell (hint: the name of the company is the same as my father's Christian name).
We were discussing the overall financial outlook and he pointed out that one of the advantages his company has is that it is synonymous with weddings. Whatever the religious community - the wedding in India means everything has to be the best.
On one hand this is as it should be. The joining of lives is such an amazing miracle. Two persons - separate and distinct - now vow to become one. The promise given is the beginning of a radical new life together - something that all our cultures treasure (even in the absence at times).
The rub is when the ceremony takes over - and the real audience is not the audience of two - and God - but rather the many voices in society around us who measure our weddings by the glitz and glamour.
Talking to one of our HIV positive friends some months ago, he talked nostalgically about when all was well with him before he became ill. "I was able to marry my daughter in a big 'dhoom-dham' way (loosely: with all the bells and whistles)" he said, a happy smile on his face.
How to bring sanity into the whole business is a challenge. My church friend's company makes plenty off the fact that nothing but the best has to be done. No second-hand suits please. And not cheap stuff. "A wedding only comes once in a life-time" they say. Villages in Haryana are said to have started hiring helicopters to bring the grooms to the marriage instead of the traditional white horse. ("the 1,50,000 Rs. spent for the helicopter was the best investment of the marriage" crowed one father "it meant that everyone knew about my son").
Who picks up the tab for the hordes of people who 'have to be invited' and the other hordes 'who will be offended if left off' and the third group of free-booters? Usually the bride's family. Usually with money borrowed. Usually with many - often hidden - tears.
One of the challenges for the church in India is to lovingly speak the truth into what our cultures have allowed to become a grotesque spectacle. The wedding ceremony itself is the key. Let as many people as possible come to a simple but meaningful exchange of vows. But let us then somehow have the grace to celebrate people who choose to live simply. Would that we could exult in the ceremony - and have some nice laddoos afterward and go home.
Instead , far too many of us skip the actual ceremony (too busy, not enough time) but somehow magically show up for the dinner 'reception'.
Our Lord was no stranger to weddings. His first miracle was the almost ridiculous turning of water into wine when the happy-juice had unexpectedly run out (more free-booters than expected?). And while Jesus often showed up at feasts, that was not the reason He came into this world. Paul says it this way: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst (1 Tim 1.15). The joyous yet mission-focussed Jesus expects his disciples to follow him. Part of this is the willingness to be looked down on by others for the sake of the real joy found in Him.
May our wedding feasts focus on the reason for the joining of two lives - and the joyous hope of our coming union with God himself through Christ - which each marriage points too as a often small but always significant sign.
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