1 AM and all is not well

It's been a very tough day.  And we are well into the night - and early morning of the next.  1 AM to be precise.

Dad was in pain and had difficulty breathing all last night.  That continued into today.  How we wish we could have a magic button to press and have everything 'turn out right.'  Well, that doesn't happen.

We do have prayers - sometimes anguished, other times joyful.  And we do sing songs of praise and hope amidst it all.  But no magic, no-pain-at-all solutions.

The day outside was sparkling.  The recent rains cleared and we had sunshine and blue skies.  And so many hues of green...




We also had a host of ladies come to the "Van's Hall" which is the HBM community health and development department's training room.  They were here for a day-long training to get our village self-help groups more active and to continue to process of grooming leaders.

Rajkamal from Dehra Dun was our main resource person - and the day just flew by.   Each of our 18 self-help groups sent their president, vice-president and treasurer.   It was wonderful to see what God can do through these women.  Self-help groups - a form of microfinance - has huge potentials for helping create new value in situations of on-going poverty.

Much as I would have liked to attend the whole day - Dad's condition kept calling me back home.

It was a very hard day for him, as he was groaning through most of it.  Groaning because it was hard to breathe and he was distressed and in pain.  We were not able to give him tablets to swallow in the morning - so we crushed the morphine and mixed it with a teaspoon of fruit juice and give it to day with prayer.  He managed to keep it down.

But Dad did not get much relief for most of the day.   We have been taking turns to be with Dad.  But it was especially distressing today to have Dad moaning.  We tried to keep assuring him of our presence.  Tried to tell him how much we love him and what a privilege it is to serve him.  We read him a special letter from Premi.  We sang a number of times - with Dad even 'joining in' on the odd occasion with what can best be called musical grunts.

We don't have easy answers.  But we do have each other.


And we have people who have come to pray with us.   And talk and help with planning the logistics for the next steps given Dad's current condition.

We also have the intrepid Palliative Care team who all came over to help out with Dad tonight.

At 11 PM we felt that he just was in too much discomfort.  And so we did another pleural tap.  Amazing to have the team come to our door step.  Amazing to have the procedure carried out on Dad's bed - with our living room coffee table serving as a support for him.

We are humbled by the expressions of love and support that we keep getting.

So many are praying.  And do we ever need those prayers right now!

Totally out of the blue we had two chaps from our child hood.  In my growing up years, I was bookended by Romy (10 years older to me and Noel (almost10 years younger).  They stopped in - totally out of the blue - from Dubai today - and spent an afternoon with Mum and us before taking the night train towards points west.

The palliative care team of HBM did their job well, and we still have 2 members of the team with us till 1.30 AM to make sure that Dad is doing better - and to give him his morphine as an sub cutaneous injection then.

And so we live to tell our tales for another day.   But how long Dad will survive is an open question.
Each day he has been deteriorating some.  Today was hard.  It's now past 1 AM and all is not well. But we do know that the King is coming!  What a blessed hope we have.

Thank you so much for joining us on this journey.   Bon nuit!