Facing truth is never easy.
He had been sick, but is a lot better since we started him on ART. She is also HIV positive and has borne the brunt of caring for him in his illness.
And then there are the children.
Neither tested. We tried to encourage the parents to test the kids. Floods of tears each time the topic was brought up.
Over the past months, however, one of the daughters - a 3 year old has been repeatedly ill.
We finally prevailed on the family to find out whether she has HIV - so that we can better treat her.
All of us dreaded the result. We prayed with the family about what it would be. We prayed unabashedly for a negative result. But we also prayed for strength if the blood result came positive.
When the blood was taken the child cried piteously. So did the father.
Last week the parents came for the result.
The child is HIV negative.
The look of joy, relief and thanksgiving on the parents face.
In all the trauma that they have gone through - we see some light.
They still have a sick girl, and we are working on getting her better, but the terrible burden of fear has been banished. The terrible weight of thinking whether they had passed on the infection to this little girl who was being formed while the mother carried the virus in her body - that burden has been lifted from this family's shoulders.
Finding out the truth is hard - but it is the only way to move forward.
Tuesday, 23 June 2009
Monday, 22 June 2009
Church
We just got back from a monthly meeting that the leaders of the different local fellowships of our church have. Its a time to think back and reflect, to pray and to challenge each other.
As a set of house-fellowships - found mainly in the north eastern suburbs of Mumbai and out to Dombivili we have lots of short-comings. One of the thoughts that we were challenged with this evening was about our identity: Do we identify ourselves as what we are not, or by what we are? By what we turn away from, or by what we are turning to?
But thinking back on this evening's time another thought came to me. In every fellowship represented, there was a common refrain, and underlying thread that ran through much of the evenings conversation.
All are now linked in some way with HIV.
One of the first groups to share stated that though the church has started some reaching out to people with HIV in their general area, they as a home-fellowship were not involved with this and this troubled them.
The next group - one in which one of the elders has been specifically released to focus on ministering to people with HIV/AIDS - had much to say about the different people that they are working with. This included 2 orphan siblings who are being looked after by a church facilitated care-giver - all 3 being HIV positive. As the boy has not been responding well to his medications, the elder in charge shared how difficult it was for him to keep visiting the boy, but how at the same time this challenging time as brought the boy so much more intimacy with God. This elder also shared how one of his dear friends with HIV - a man who had struggled for years with alcohol and broken relationships at home and work - is now such a source of joy and encouragement to him. "If I were to live my whole life and change just one life like [the name of the man with HIV] it would be worth it" said the elder. There were many other things shared too - but this will do, to give a small taste of what can be done by people determined to help people with HIV.
When it was our turn to share, we touched on a lady who our local fellowships are supporting and her desire for baptism - and at the same time how her church care givers have been transferred out and so she needs new ones. We mentioned how a significant portion of the JSK team are members of the fellowships in Thane. A point was shared about how one of our friends from Thane had gone back to his native Bihar and was asked to be a resource person there at a training organised for local groups working with HIV there. We also mentioned a young man who is the head of his 2 teenaged siblings - a small child-headed home where parents died of HIV.
Further up the tracks, a couple who are church planting - and of whom the wife had worked with us at JSK for 2 years shared about how they had come across a lady with HIV who needed to be started on ART. And how the wife had been doing teaching on a weekly basis with the care-givers of this lady.
And so it goes. Woven into the fabric of the church - nested in multiple relationships - of caring, challenge, growth and worship - is the undeniable presence of people with HIV.
If we were to rewind back to 5 years ago, this would just not be true. But it is today. Our fellowships are far from perfect. Very far. But it is amazing to see how much the body life of the church now is involved with people with HIV as a normal (though challenging) every-day part of living out the love of Christ - the reason for the church in the first place.
As a set of house-fellowships - found mainly in the north eastern suburbs of Mumbai and out to Dombivili we have lots of short-comings. One of the thoughts that we were challenged with this evening was about our identity: Do we identify ourselves as what we are not, or by what we are? By what we turn away from, or by what we are turning to?
But thinking back on this evening's time another thought came to me. In every fellowship represented, there was a common refrain, and underlying thread that ran through much of the evenings conversation.
All are now linked in some way with HIV.
One of the first groups to share stated that though the church has started some reaching out to people with HIV in their general area, they as a home-fellowship were not involved with this and this troubled them.
The next group - one in which one of the elders has been specifically released to focus on ministering to people with HIV/AIDS - had much to say about the different people that they are working with. This included 2 orphan siblings who are being looked after by a church facilitated care-giver - all 3 being HIV positive. As the boy has not been responding well to his medications, the elder in charge shared how difficult it was for him to keep visiting the boy, but how at the same time this challenging time as brought the boy so much more intimacy with God. This elder also shared how one of his dear friends with HIV - a man who had struggled for years with alcohol and broken relationships at home and work - is now such a source of joy and encouragement to him. "If I were to live my whole life and change just one life like [the name of the man with HIV] it would be worth it" said the elder. There were many other things shared too - but this will do, to give a small taste of what can be done by people determined to help people with HIV.
When it was our turn to share, we touched on a lady who our local fellowships are supporting and her desire for baptism - and at the same time how her church care givers have been transferred out and so she needs new ones. We mentioned how a significant portion of the JSK team are members of the fellowships in Thane. A point was shared about how one of our friends from Thane had gone back to his native Bihar and was asked to be a resource person there at a training organised for local groups working with HIV there. We also mentioned a young man who is the head of his 2 teenaged siblings - a small child-headed home where parents died of HIV.
Further up the tracks, a couple who are church planting - and of whom the wife had worked with us at JSK for 2 years shared about how they had come across a lady with HIV who needed to be started on ART. And how the wife had been doing teaching on a weekly basis with the care-givers of this lady.
And so it goes. Woven into the fabric of the church - nested in multiple relationships - of caring, challenge, growth and worship - is the undeniable presence of people with HIV.
If we were to rewind back to 5 years ago, this would just not be true. But it is today. Our fellowships are far from perfect. Very far. But it is amazing to see how much the body life of the church now is involved with people with HIV as a normal (though challenging) every-day part of living out the love of Christ - the reason for the church in the first place.
Wednesday, 17 June 2009
End game
We got to know him about 4 years ago. It was a horrible way to get to know each other. He and his wife were trying to have a child. Months had passed by without "an issue" as folks here sometimes put it. She and he had been checked up medically - and the verdict was that he needed to have an operation.
He did. Or at least he tried to. The man - lets call him Tahir - was admitted at a private hospital for the operation and put under anaesthesia. Then the surgeon did an HIV test. It was positive for HIV. The surgeon refused to do the operation and told Tahir that he was HIV positive.
Tahir was crushed. He and his father - who runs a small grocery shop in a near by shanty-town - were in tears when they came to us.
We counselled. Talked. Explained.
Tahir calmed down over the next few weeks.
But then he slipped into denial. He refused to tell his wife. He became surly and upset whenever our staff tried to meet him. Eventually he became hostile and said: "I'm ok. When I need you I will call you."
Earlier this year Tahir showed up again. He was not well but refused to admit it. He had been running a fever of 103 Farenheit but said that he was fine. His father was still with him. A shriveled little man.
Tahir has since had a child. He still did not come clean about his HIV condition to his wife.
Last week I heard from Tahir's neighbour that Tahir had been sick and gone back to his village. Far away near the town of Gorakhpur - on the border of Nepal.
Tahir won't be coming back. He is dead.
His wife has their child with her. Will she ever even be told about what killed her husband?
Another end game. Another silent death.
Life goes on in the city as we wait for the rains on a sultry late June night. But far away, the lives of a family have been irrevocably changed.
All for fear and pride. Melded together in an inseparable alloy.
Tahir could have been helped so much if he would have come clean about his condition. So many of our friends with HIV have told the truth to their loved ones - and are alive today. We
are seeing more and more live longer and longer.
But each journey of treatment has to start with the truth.
Tuesday, 16 June 2009
Hands and eyes
What does the eye see? What do hands hold?Sight - do we look at the glitter of the outward? or do we search for underlying webs of relationships? of giving and taken for the benefit of the few?
Touch: what are our hands doing? When free are they building or destroying? The hands above probably have caressed a face. They are tied together because they have been found with traces of explosives on them - a dead give-away in the on-going sectarian carnage in Iraq.And yet our wondrous hands and eyes also unlock so much what is not seen yet.
Like the endangered glass frog found in remote jungles in Latin America.
Or this stunning beauty of a frog. Entirely new to science - one of the many species only now being discovered.
Would that we would use our hands and eyes for seeing beauty rather than burning trains.
Monday, 15 June 2009
Tehran
It seems a long ago. A very long time ago.
We were driving through Iran. In the back of an old OM lorry. We had left India and were Vienna-bound. Afghanistan was over. Then the long dry drive through Iran.
Tehran was big. Modern. The Shah's photo in every tea shop. Sprite available in homes.
After the clack-clack-clack of driving over cement high ways - the smoothness of Tehran and its luxurious bigness impressed even a 7 year old like me.
It was after all 1977.
Since then so much has happened. The return of Khomeini from Paris 1979. The regime change. Unthinkable that the Shah would be overthrown in those petrodollar days. But it happened. While the next year saw the Afghanistan that I knew of as a spring arbor of nuts and raisins, apparently crumble as the Russians moved in to support the people's revolution.
As savage as the Iranian revolution was - it was just that. A revolution, not some propped up party from abroad taking centre stage like in Afghan-land.
And now, a generation and a half later, we seem to be seeing the first genuine out-pourings of a new Iran. With the news of last week's Iranian presidential election still being nibbled away we are already seeing what was unthinkable a few weeks ago - large scale protests about what seems farcical results.
Where will these protests lead? The incumbent president is certainly not short of support as well. But then almost 80% of the electorate had voted - and the figures published as authoritative just don't make sense.
What a difference to the election we just held in our country. There was colour and pagentry. There was skull-duggery. There was even apathy - the sad hand-maid of freedom it seems too often - but at the end of the day - when the votes were counted it was clear that the winner was chosen largely fairly. And that the losers would have to seek the mandate of the people in the next time the electorate gets to cast their votes.
Our prayers go out to the people of Iran in these turbulent days. May we see more of the wonderfully witty and life-loving Iranians. May truth and justice reign - with conviviality! It is beyond me to know what Mr. Mousavi can do for his country - but we do know that each place can be tremendously blessed by people who live out lives of compassion and good stewardship.
And so back to the streets of Tehran. My life till then had mainly seen the crowded streets of Mumbai. Tehran seemed eerily empty. The shots that are coming over the BBC website show a different Tehran today...
Books
One of the things that struck me when we were in Mussoorie at our parents' place were the books.
It shouldn't have surprised us of course - since most of the books are the fruits of the years of study abroad - as well as a life-time of collecting books - on top of the reams of mission and devotional books that our parents have.
Looking at them was like seeing a mosaic of old friends.
Some of them were my companions in college classes (the pain of buying a new edition at the ridiculous academic prices still hurts). Others were found in old book stores, or sales, or in library discard piles. Others were received as gifts - or bought with the intention of giving (esp. when within the family - they stay...).
A whole bunch were bought from AH Wheeler railway kiosks. Usually looking for something 'decent' or cheap (hopefully both). Some were from my first pay-checks in Bihar. Others were hand-me-downs from folks who went away.
Special mention for the Tintin comics - totally devoured by Asha and Enoch who discovered them with a vengeance this holiday. Many of them had been painfully bought from old-paper-wallahs in Bombay days. Their cousins - the carefully bound library of Commando war comics did not make their appearance. It will be another 5 years or so before we want the kids to be delving into the inticracies of WW2.
More books lurked up in the first floor - Mum and Dad's square library - with many veterans of our childhood of growing up in OM still lingering there....
But the strange thing was that this time the meeting was an awkward one.
Part of it was the dead core tiredness that I carried up with me to Mussoorie (happily, it seeped away with lots of love and cake and chai and conversation).
Part of it was the sheer numbers of books. Waiting. So many unread. So many needed a re-read.
The other side of the strangeness was a feeling that I am not really sure I wanted to read them all. I remember Peter Bowers, my room-mate from college days telling me that he was happier to read the Bible than all the other books. I thought how narrow that seemed at the time. But looking at my books again I realise the truth to what Peter said 20 years ago.
Though all truth is God's truth - and a good novel or a gripping history or an excellent textbook or a brilliant travelogue will get you far - the Book of Books is the one that I want to spend more time with from now on.
Its not an either or - but more of an issue of priorities. Since I have not been reading much over the last few years I want to start up again. But I also want to go a lot deeper into scripture - to let it seep through me. To think in the patterns of the writers. To know the underlying rhythms and cadences. To bite deep and not just send flat stones skipping across the surface.
Evidence of my decision. We brought back a huge bag of books. Before we left Mussoorie I managed to overcome the awkwardness and devoured The Man Who Knew Infinity a biography of the amazing Tamil mathematician S. Ramanujan. As a family we started The Tower of Geburah (and read it over some magical hikes to nearby hills - as well as on a sweltering train journey back). On the way down I pondered over Spiritual Revolution - a history of Operation Mobilisation. Currently Sheba and I are reading through The Training of the Twelve by A.B. Bruce. Our books are out again in the front room courtesy of a new metal shelving unit.
At the same time I am chewing through the Gospel according to Matthew. Fascinating stuff to see a man who was a collaborator with the occupation authorities join hands with a man who was a revolutionist seeking to overthrow them - all because of this man Jesus and the new relationship he calls people into.
It is exciting to see the kids start digging into books too. Asha is a busy reader. Enoch tries to read words - but prefers to be read too. We have some wonderful experiences coming up as we explore new worlds through books!
It shouldn't have surprised us of course - since most of the books are the fruits of the years of study abroad - as well as a life-time of collecting books - on top of the reams of mission and devotional books that our parents have.
Looking at them was like seeing a mosaic of old friends.
Some of them were my companions in college classes (the pain of buying a new edition at the ridiculous academic prices still hurts). Others were found in old book stores, or sales, or in library discard piles. Others were received as gifts - or bought with the intention of giving (esp. when within the family - they stay...).
A whole bunch were bought from AH Wheeler railway kiosks. Usually looking for something 'decent' or cheap (hopefully both). Some were from my first pay-checks in Bihar. Others were hand-me-downs from folks who went away.
Special mention for the Tintin comics - totally devoured by Asha and Enoch who discovered them with a vengeance this holiday. Many of them had been painfully bought from old-paper-wallahs in Bombay days. Their cousins - the carefully bound library of Commando war comics did not make their appearance. It will be another 5 years or so before we want the kids to be delving into the inticracies of WW2.
More books lurked up in the first floor - Mum and Dad's square library - with many veterans of our childhood of growing up in OM still lingering there....
But the strange thing was that this time the meeting was an awkward one.
Part of it was the dead core tiredness that I carried up with me to Mussoorie (happily, it seeped away with lots of love and cake and chai and conversation).
Part of it was the sheer numbers of books. Waiting. So many unread. So many needed a re-read.
The other side of the strangeness was a feeling that I am not really sure I wanted to read them all. I remember Peter Bowers, my room-mate from college days telling me that he was happier to read the Bible than all the other books. I thought how narrow that seemed at the time. But looking at my books again I realise the truth to what Peter said 20 years ago.
Though all truth is God's truth - and a good novel or a gripping history or an excellent textbook or a brilliant travelogue will get you far - the Book of Books is the one that I want to spend more time with from now on.
Its not an either or - but more of an issue of priorities. Since I have not been reading much over the last few years I want to start up again. But I also want to go a lot deeper into scripture - to let it seep through me. To think in the patterns of the writers. To know the underlying rhythms and cadences. To bite deep and not just send flat stones skipping across the surface.
Evidence of my decision. We brought back a huge bag of books. Before we left Mussoorie I managed to overcome the awkwardness and devoured The Man Who Knew Infinity a biography of the amazing Tamil mathematician S. Ramanujan. As a family we started The Tower of Geburah (and read it over some magical hikes to nearby hills - as well as on a sweltering train journey back). On the way down I pondered over Spiritual Revolution - a history of Operation Mobilisation. Currently Sheba and I are reading through The Training of the Twelve by A.B. Bruce. Our books are out again in the front room courtesy of a new metal shelving unit.
At the same time I am chewing through the Gospel according to Matthew. Fascinating stuff to see a man who was a collaborator with the occupation authorities join hands with a man who was a revolutionist seeking to overthrow them - all because of this man Jesus and the new relationship he calls people into.
It is exciting to see the kids start digging into books too. Asha is a busy reader. Enoch tries to read words - but prefers to be read too. We have some wonderful experiences coming up as we explore new worlds through books!
Tuesday, 9 June 2009
Older and thinner
He is a year older to her. But 10 kgs lighter.
She is full of pep. Though she just failed her 6th standard she is bubbling with life and spunkiness.
Both have HIV. Parents? Died long ago.
He has been started on Anti-retroviral Therapy drugs a month ago. But is not doing well.
"Doctor, can you give me something to make me gain weight?" he asked Sheba sadly.
It breaks our hearts when people we love are not doing well. Our bodies and our feelings are so deeply intertwined. This dear young boy, well into the cusp of adolescence seems lost and alone.
Thank God for the church people who are lovingly looking after him and his sister. They have poured themselves into the siblings - and it shows.
But the road is still hard for the early teen who has HIV coursing through his body - and for whom the meds do not seem to be having much effect.
So many pills. For TB. For HIV.
Spare a prayer for a young boy with HIV.
She is full of pep. Though she just failed her 6th standard she is bubbling with life and spunkiness.
Both have HIV. Parents? Died long ago.
He has been started on Anti-retroviral Therapy drugs a month ago. But is not doing well.
"Doctor, can you give me something to make me gain weight?" he asked Sheba sadly.
It breaks our hearts when people we love are not doing well. Our bodies and our feelings are so deeply intertwined. This dear young boy, well into the cusp of adolescence seems lost and alone.
Thank God for the church people who are lovingly looking after him and his sister. They have poured themselves into the siblings - and it shows.
But the road is still hard for the early teen who has HIV coursing through his body - and for whom the meds do not seem to be having much effect.
So many pills. For TB. For HIV.
Spare a prayer for a young boy with HIV.
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