An attitude of gratitude

Sheba was talking to a lady yesterday evening.  She is the sister of one of our HIV Positive Friends.  Lets call her Prabha.   We have not met Prabha for some time - but she attended yesterdays monthly Positive Friends Support Group meeting along with her sister.

Prabha is not much to look at.  Small and thin, with a gaping set of buck-teeth.  Her sister is a walking miracle.  So often sick, but still hanging on.  Still here with us.

At the end of the meeting we break into small groups.  Its a time for personal sharing about the challenges that each person is going through - and then we pray for each other - and promise to keep on praying during the month.

Sheba asked Prabha what she wanted prayer for.  Prabha mumbled something about her child having a skin rash and requesting healing for that.  Then she stopped and smiled.

Sheba probed a bit further.  "What else do you want prayer for, what are your other problems?"

"What else do I need?" said Prabha.

"God is so good to me" she said with an amazing smile.

"My husband used to drink so much.  Now he has stopped."

"He used to only go to work 2 days out of 7.  Now my husband faithfully goes to work everyday."

"God answers prayers!"

Prabha has been attending a local prayer meeting for some time now.  She is still living in a shanti-town.  She hardly earns anything, and the prices of daily commodities continue to rise. 

Just hearing Sheba tell me about this encounter with a lady who exuded contentment and joy sent shivers down my spine.

Oh for a genuine attitude of gratitude - like the one our dear sister Prabha has.

Young man

I was revving up our trusty-rusty scooter (a.k.a. Black Beauty), about to swish up the small bridge over the gutter / creek in front of the Jeevan Sahara Kendra Community Care Centre, when I saw a young man.

Graphic T-shirt?  Check!

Slightly gelled hair?  Check!

Keds? Check!
Sling bag? Check!

He smiled at me.

Then I recognised.  It was Tarun. 

I still think of Tarun as an 11 year old boy.  He is now 18. 

I still remember him coming in sick over and over again in our early days.  And the fear we had when we started Anti-Retroviral Therapy for him.  Our first patient on ART.

Today he stopped in to show Sheba his latest tests.  They are great.  His CD4 level is over 500.  He is working. 

I used to remember him always being smaller and more frail than his peers.

No more.  Tarun looks like any other young man roaming the streets.

He is not a child anymore.  He has entered the first lap of adulthood.

And what a lovely smile.

Tarun is an orphan.  Both parents died of HIV in his childhood. 

But Tarun has survived.  He joins the gradually growing ranks of young people living with HIV - who have all their lives had the infection.

Its a whole new ball game for us.  No one really knows how to counsel them.  How to help them live out their dreams.  How to negotiate the already challenging paths of adolescence (enough Sturm und Drang even if you are HIV negative...) and transition into an HIV-aware adulthood.

We chatted briefly and Tarun walked confidently in to meet Sheba.

I drove away thankful to have seen a walking miracle.  And hopeful that many other children with HIV will grow up to be confident young adults.

TB days

After an almost solid 2 months of having in-patients at the Jeevan Sahara Kendra Community Care Centre, we faced a small lull last week.  After discharging our young mother Sarah on Tuesday morning - we did not have any more admissions.  It was strange to have all the nurses with us again in our morning staff meetings.  And strange to have empty beds.

All that changed this morning.

Four patients came for admission.  We wanted to admit all 4 of them.  Three are with us this evening.

Tragically one young lady - only weighing 27 kgs - and most probably infected with TB meningitis - just did not have the family support to stay here.  Her mother and her sister are both heavily pregnant - and her uncle refused to stay with her.  It was heart-breaking to see her leave - especially as she really wanted to be here - and we think she has a very poor prognosis if she goes home.

The other three are with us. All of them are suffering from TB. We are suddenly in a season of TB - and it seems that for some reason people are not responding well to the medications that we have given in the past.  Please pray for us as this apparent failure is starting to weigh down heavily on us.

We just crossed World TB Day on the 24th of March.  India continues to have the dubious distinction of having the largest numbers of people with TB in the world - and the highest numbers of deaths. We also have a situation where TB drugs are prescribed left, right and centre - with very little to follow up on whether they are actually being taken - which is giving rise to increasing amounts of Multi-Drug Resistant TB.

People with HIV are especially susceptible to getting TB.  It is estimated that almost every person with HIV in India will eventually get TB.  Sheba recently attended a workshop where the message was - screen everyone with TB for HIV and check everyone who has HIV for TB. 

We want to help people with TB - especially our HIV positive friends when they are so sick and in need of help - and yet the threat to our staff is also there.  One of our staff members is already being treated for TB - which has really sent a shock wave through the team.

Suddenly we have a sense of fear that just was not there before.  A heavy presence. Our patients now all wear masks. Should all of the staff wear masks too?

At what point does our 'care' about TB start giving way to fear - and actually making us more susceptible to the disease because we are so afraid of it?

We pray for protection - and need to be more regular in our prayers.  And move forward with courage.

Pinky

Yesterday night we celebrated a birthday party of a special little girl.  We will call her Pinky.

This little girl's mother Mrs. Maninder is part of our church group.  Six years ago she gave birth to little Pinky in a situation that can hardly be imagined 

Mrs. Maninder had come back to Thane after her husband had died of HIV. Her brother died previously - also of HIV.  Mrs. Maninder completed the trio - she came back to us and told us she was HIV positive too.

In the mean time her first daughter was born. With a massive cleft palate.  She could not breast feed her but had been told by the doctor in Pune that her daugther was HIV positive. Mrs. Maninder was pregant with Pinky when she returned.

She returned hoping to occupy her girlhood home - only to find that it was occupied by friends of her late brother. They told her that her brother had left debts and so they were using the house as repayment.  Mrs. Maninder was alone, very pregnant, living in a shack next to an overflowing garbage heap.

Then Pinky was born.  After a 2 days in the govt. hospital, Mrs. Maninder was discharged to go back to the shack beside the garbage with her 2 day old child and her cleft palate elder daughter.

It seemed so hopeless.

It seems so far away.  So unimaginable now.

Last night we were celebrating not only 6 years of Pinky's life, but the amazing way Mrs. Maninder and her elder daughter had survived.  We were inaugurating the new room she has just moved to - and praying that many would be blessed in that new home.

The church squeezed into the small room - and so did some neighbours.  Neighbours with HIV who Mrs. Maninder knows through JSK.  One family lives just 4 doors away.  Another lady just a stone's throw further.  We read about Isaac and Rebecca coming to Rehoboth and saying 'here we have space, here will we prosper.'  We sang songs. We prayed.  We celebrated Pinky's life.  We celebrated hope that has sprung out of a time of apparent hopelessness.

In the room we had marketing executives, a self-made businessman, home-makers, JSK staff, children.  It was an amazing sight to see so many in that little room - rejoicing together.

The cake came out and a rousing 'happy birthday' was sung to Pinky.  She just gazed around, looking pretty as a picture in her sparkly pink dress.  Her older sister in her new blue dress mirrored the freshly washed sky blue walls of Mrs. Maninder's room.

These are the days of miracle and wonder.  In the tumult that crashes around us, in the seas of selfishness and self-seeking, small seeds are sprouting.  What a hope there is for Pinky.  Who knows where this girl will end up?

Darkness at noon

Dear Self,

How to make sense of  the tragedy of Anil?  I am going to use his real first name - since there are so many Anil's and since he is not HIV positive.

But that does not lessen the tragedy.

Anil's sister is HIV positive. Her 5 year old son is positive and has lost sight in one eye from an untreated injury caused by an accident with an ice-cream stick many months before we met them.  Her husband is negative but addicted to the bottle.

Anil has cancer.  He has hogdkin's lymphoma.  His neck was swollen with cancerous tissue.

We tested Anil for HIV since we thought the cancer in such a young man (Anil is 25) may be due to a reduced immunity.  Anil tested negative for HIV.  Small comfort.  Anil is married and has two small children.  He lives with his mother in a shack, a tiny lean-to in the shade of towering super-luxury appartments.

Anil and his sister and parts of her family have been coming for prayers on Sunday evenings. 

After a rigorous set of tests our staff started Anil on chemotherapy at the Tata Memorial Hospital in Mumbai.  He has gone for 2 cycles so far.  The initial results were heartening. There was a massive reduction in the swelling of his neck.

Then the unspeakable took place.

On Sunday Anil's uncle and another man met with him. They were drunk.

Anil had shaved his head since the chemo is kicking in and he had started losing some of his hair.

These men taunted him.  Apparently telling him "why did you shave your head?  Whose death are you mourning?  Did your mother die?  Are you mourning your own death?"

And then they beat him up.  Savagely.

Anil couldn't handle this.

He poured kerosine on himself and lit it.

Anil is in the hospital now.  He has 15% burns.  His face is all swollen up.

Will he survive?  The odds are against it. Cancer patient. Already on chemo.  Lot immunity.  Loss of precious skin.  Infection magnet.

How to understand the darkness that lurks in each soul?  The torment that so many go through?

A wise friend wrote words of encouragement for another dark experience that we went through last month (which I will write about later):   

A great sadness to carry that your friend couldn’t face life anymore. Like Job may you and the team leave the answers with the All Mighty who loves her even more than you all have over the years.

With great gratitude for each person who has felt the love of Jesus expressed by the care they have received from JSK,

We will do this.  In our darkness we will hold onto the light.  Our prayers may be weak and feeble. The circumstances around my seem to mock whatever good takes place.  But our eyes are fixed on something beyond.  A real hope in the face of apparent hopelessness.

Anil still lives.  However marred his situation is - we still will meet and pray and hope.

Time for the Kingdom to come.

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Postscript:

March 27th 2012

Anil died this morning.  

He had been discharged from the hospital yesterday - but it seems that when he came back to his hovel he began bleeding again and so they rushed him back to the hospital.  Our staff are with his family at this point.  Very sad.

Baby baby

Two decades ago an HIV positive mother left her daughter in the trash.

The little girl was saved by a valiant band of social workers - who nurtured the little girl into adolescence.

Everything seemed bright for so long - then things soured.  The girl - Sarah we will name her - made some poor choices.  The institution that she was in could not help her any more. She was shifted to another set of carers. Same story - different issues. The pattern repeated itself.

A few months ago Sarah was brought back to one of the couples who had initially looked after her. She was sick and thin.  In her early 20s she looked both terribly young - and terribly old.  She was dying of HIV.  Over the years she had been on and off her meds (Anti-Retroviral Therapy - aka ART).  Now the virus was taking the upper hand.  Sarah's immunity was almost non-existent.

When we admitted her at JSK we didn't know how long she would live.  We complained of abdominal pains. Sheba did what she does for most cases of abdominal pains in young women - asked for an ultrasound. The film showed a developing child.

The family that had taken her in again was shocked - but rallied around. Sarah's immunity was very low.  The only option was to start her on expensive 2nd line ART.  After stabilising her a bit, we discharged her to the care of the family.  We were able to get Sarah hooked up with another agency who helps out with these 2nd line drugs for free. But she needed a stable place - esp. with her pregnancy.

And so Sarah was admitted back at JSK.  To start her on the 2nd line drugs, and to see her through her pregnancy.

Ten days ago Sarah delivered a baby boy.  She called him .....  We will call the little 1.8 kg - slightly premature - baby 'Timothy.'

Its not been easy for Sarah.  At one point Sheba helped Sarah sit up comfortably in her bed last week.  Sheba reached over and took Sarah's pillow so that it would give support to her back. Below the pillow was Sarah's tablets that she was supposed to have taken that morning. She had acted as if she took the dose - popping them into her mouth in front of the nurse - and then must have removed them and hidden them - probably to throw them away.

We are touched with the love that Sarah's care-givers are giving her.  They have included the whole church in the effort - and especially after little Timothy was born - we have seen a variety of people come to encourage and pray with Sarah.

Sarah has gained weight - and the traces of a smile too. 

Little Timothy has been spending most of his time sleeping and feeding. We were able to help Timothy feed from a spoon and steel cup from the very beginning so that usually un-sterile bottle feeds are not even started. Using infant formula further cuts down the risk that Timothy will get HIV.  We are hoping that he will join the 20 odd kids who have been successfully born to HIV positive mothers with the help of  JSK.  To date not one of these children was found HIV positive when we tested them at 18 months!  Grace of God.   

Yesterday Sarah and Timothy were discharged from JSK.  The social workers helped to set her up with another family where she and the baby will be looked after. The family is also HIV positive and knows the challenges of living with HIV.  They are also followers of Jesus and willing to share their lives with Sarah and her little child.  We are grateful for the people who continue to love Sarah and are sharing this part of her journey with her and Timothy.

Sarah started her life in the trash.  Timothy in the arms of love.  Both need so much more love in the coming days and years.

No easy road forward. But such hope in every child. 

Children

We took an outing on Saturday.  Out to Badlapur to visit Asha and David and see the work they do with children.  Lots of children. 25 of them.

We are a young country.  To say we have many children is an understatement.  Tragically - so many of them do not receive love.  Asha and David have opened up their home for many over the years.  Living from hand-to-mouth this couple have fostered many a young life.  And continue to move forward.

We got to know Asha some years ago - when she was helping us out in our home at Happy Valley. We appreciated her work dearly - and her deep joy in doing whatever she could with all her heart. But the long journey she made everyday to be with us made us finally tell her that she should focus her attention on the kids that she and David were looking after.

This she did.  

Asha knows what it means to be unloved.  As a girl she suffered a grevious injury on her arm.  Her father was too poor and too indifferent to have it treated.  It 'healed' in a crooked way - one that has left her virtually without the use of her left arm.  As a young woman she had a life-changing encounter with the living Christ.  She is a woman transformed and works out of the simplicity of her situation to pour love into the kids.

Where will these kids go?  We don't know - but we know that some have already 'graduated' from the home of Asha and David and are making a difference.  Many of the kids do have a parent - and go 'home' during the summer month - and are such a blessing to their other family members.

We wish that there were no need for Asha and David to open their home to these kids. We wish that each parent would look after their children with love and care.  But yet the grim reality is that we are a heartless society, where so many a young life is being cruelly warped.

Spare a prayer for Asha and David. They recently have brought in 2 abandoned old people as well - and said that a third was on her way.  As a family they survive on less than a shoe-string. That they have come this far is the result of miracle after miracle. They need all the help they can get.